20 years and counting…

20 years and counting…

Going down memory lane..

I remember my girly dreams and yes fantasies about marriage (which young girl didn’t have one?)
I remember looking at my parents marriage back then and silently praying God’s gift of such a beautiful union (And even a sweeter and stronger one)
I remember My actual first steps into this institution and all my dreams and fantasies gave way to anxieties, uncertainties and Reality.

My Reality after 20years of Marriage…

As my husband and I celebrate our 20th anniversary in a few days from now, here are the top 20 things I’ve learned during my years of marriage to prayerfully encourage you to press on, too:
1. Like most of you reading this will know and agree, marriage is hard work, Real Hardwork, it is not meant for jokers neither is it for the immature. I woke up to that reality early.
2. Marriage is about two people from different backgrounds, totally different mind sets, hence the need for a huge dose of patience and understanding. Amos 3 vs 3
3. It is that School the Lord is using to mould us to be more like Christ. One will pass through the Refiners fire, yielding is producing a better Me and most certainly a better spouse.
4. Prayer is Key. The success or failure of this union is dependent on how this vital tool is deployed. I found out that I didn’t have to wait for my husband to join me every night in prayer. Keeping the fire on our prayer altar burning was pertinent. 1Thessalonians 5 vs 17.
5.Submission to one another is non-negotiable. Ephesians 5 vs 21.
6. “Love is blind” is not a bad thing I have chosen to be blind to the less flattering traits of my spouse.
7.Communicate!Communicate!!Communicate!!!. We talk about everything and anything.
8. We are always looking out for new things that will kindle the fire of romance in our marriage. Simple acts of love keep two people knitted together.
9. Choosing to let go and let God says “Lord I choose to trust You”. 1 Corinthians 13 vs 7.
10. Having a vision gives direction, helps in the allocation of resources and avoidance of waste.
11. We are both jointly responsible for the fruits of our Marriage. Romans 14 vs 12.
12.Staying focused. External factors, distractions will always be there, however a resolute approach to such continues to help us  surmoumt them. Hebrews 12 vs 2.
13. Fun! Fun!! Fun!!!. The couple who plays together stays together.
14. Keeping secrets is a no-no. Building trust within a marriage. God wants us to be uninhibited, transparent within marriage. Genesis 2 vs 25.
15. Being my husband’s wife is my most important ministry.
16. Grace is the glue that holds us together — God’s grace toward each of us and our grace toward each other.
17.There will be disappointments, we dust ourselves and continue with our life.
18. Constantly affirming one another gives us the boost to please each other .
19. Speaking the truth in love.
20. Failure is not an option for me, I am therefore committed to putting in my all to please my Saviour who has graciously blessed me with and in marriage, my husband of 20 years who I love with all my life, my children, His precious gifts who are for signs and wonders to their generation and beyond, to the many women and men who by God’s grace are watching and learning.

How long have you been married and what’s your best marriage advice? I’d love to hear it in the comment section below.

Schoolofmothers

13 Comments
  • Helen ifeonye
    Posted at 08:54h, 20 August Reply

    Wao,Like yesterday.Congratulations. wonderful student in the school of marriage. You are already in 200 level
    GOD CONTINUE TO HOLD YOU .AMEN.

  • O.J
    Posted at 10:43h, 20 August Reply

    Marriage a long journey with twists and turns and a pre-determined end by your make.

    It is also a classroom of elective and compulsory courses……you carry over the course until you pass the exam.

    • theschoolofmothers
      Posted at 10:59h, 20 August Reply

      Twists and turns indeed sis and a very interesting journey too. I pray we truly we are found worthy of the ‘certificate’ we received at the start of the journey. Thank you for this contribution.

  • O.J
    Posted at 10:45h, 20 August Reply

    Marriage a long journey with twists and turns and a pre-determined end by your maker.

    It is also a classroom of elective and compulsory courses……you carry over the course until you pass the exam.

  • Mojisola Moradeyo
    Posted at 11:43h, 20 August Reply

    Wow!!!! Congratulations ma.

    Hmmm for me, my marriage is going to be 12years in December.

    Few things have learnt so far:
    1. I have learnt tolerance. I have learnt to tolerate my husband’s inadequacies so also has he learnt same. He is my perfect imperfection as i am his too and God has really been gracious.
    2. I have learned to listen more. Even though I see myself as a great listener, I have learnt to listen even more and he is also not doing badly at all in this area.
    3. I have learnt obedience in another perspectives and sincerely it’s really great.
    4. We have both learnt to compromise, to be selfless and make sure we always watch each other’s back.
    5. I have learnt to always be on prevailing knees in the place of prayer to solve any issue no matter how little/ trivial it may look and he has always been that prayer partner I cannot trade for anything.
    6.I have learnt transparency in the marriage and THIS has really helped us both.
    7. Setting goals and sticking to those goals no matter the distractions. Initially I struggled in this area but with my husband’s help, I have become a better person.

    These are few things amongst others that I have learnt.

    I resolved to calling him HEARTBEAT few years into our marriage because I discovered that many times when I have something to say or do, he spills them out like he has a chair surfing through my heart and that has not changed. I bless God for that in the marriage.

    There are challenges, trials, ups and downs but because we have decided that this marriage must work and with CHRIST been the SOLID ROCK on which we both stand, we will always overcome in Jesus mighty name.

    I thank God for the husband he has blessed me with, the fruits he has blessed us with because they will be exceedingly great.

    With God at the centre of it all, we can make our marriage what we want it to be.
    Ephesians 5 vs 22- 31 should always remind us how God wants us to deal with each other in marriage.
    God bless our homes in Jesus mighty name. Amen.

    • theschoolofmothers
      Posted at 12:45h, 20 August Reply

      Hmmmm, you said it all…indeed with God at the centre of it all we are equipped to succeed. Many thanks for always.

  • Adebola Akin-Ajayi
    Posted at 13:42h, 20 August Reply

    God will give us the grace and enablement to celebrate 20 Years and beyond in our marriages IJN. Lovely key notes to keep. Thanks.

  • theschoolofmothers
    Posted at 13:44h, 20 August Reply

    Amen and amen in Jesus name. Thank you sis.

  • theschoolofmothers
    Posted at 14:02h, 20 August Reply

    Thank you sis. I certainly agree with you. Best wishes

  • OLUSEUN ADESIPE
    Posted at 18:39h, 20 August Reply

    Congratulations my dear deaconess, may the Almighty God continue to bless the union abundantly.
    I remember my Mummy advising me on my wedding night before proceeding to my husband home, that Seun, men can be very difficult BUT a good wife should always be extremely patient, she also said in yoruba: ILE OKO ILE EKO NI O. I didn’t understand fully until I started the journey.
    But we thank God, almost 14years now, I’ve found out that marriage is truly an Institution you will not graduate from until death do apart. I can say thank you Lord for your mercies and faithfulness

    • theschoolofmothers
      Posted at 18:48h, 20 August Reply

      Thank you sis Seun and a big AMEN in Jesus name.
      Mommy’s advice is still relevant even after so many years. My concern is for the younger generation, the need to imbibe that vital quality…patience.

  • OLUSEUN ADESIPE
    Posted at 18:39h, 20 August Reply

    Congratulations my dear deaconess, may the Almighty God continue to bless the union abundantly.
    I remember my Mummy advising me on my wedding night before proceeding to my husband home, that Seun, men can be very difficult BUT a good wife should always be extremely patient, she also said in yoruba: ILE OKO ILE EKO NI O. I didn’t understand fully until I started the journey.
    But we thank God, almost 14years now, I’ve found out that marriage is truly an Institution you will not graduate from until death do apart. I can say thank you Lord for your mercies and faithfulness

  • Tolulope
    Posted at 03:50h, 21 August Reply

    Congratulations mummy. 20 years is no joke. Just yesterday, my mum was talking about her marriage to my dad for 45years as if they got married last weekend.
    I have learnt in this my 9years of marriage to be patient and forgiving. No matter what I do to my husband, he just shows me forgiveness. I never take it for granted.
    Most of all, let Christ be the foundation of the marriage.
    Many more blissful years to you dearest Deaconess.

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